Thank you, Papa

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Dear Reader,

This is pretty surreal.

Last week, I was just returning back from an amazing boys' trip to the Grand Canyon with my grandfather (Papa), my dad, and my brother.

It was a trip years in the making and lived up to the hype.

Adventure, deep conversation, magnificent views. The trip had it all.

I had an entire newsletter written on three stories and lessons from Papa.

But for some reason, I decided to delay it by a week.

Rest, edit, and polish it up for a delayed release.

Then, tragically, Papa passed away this Wednesday.

It wasn’t a complete shock, but still heart-shattering.

It’s been a hard few days. Papa was massively influential in the lives of everyone he touched, especially his family and certainly his grandchildren.

Returning to this letter has some added weight. It’s heavy, but it has been a profound way to process and look back fondly over his life and positive influence.

This letter has been edited post-passing, although many stories below were told during the special trip to the Grand Canyon.

I hope this sheds some light on Papa’s life, influence, love, and impact. He was such a great man.

Papa—this one’s for you.

Real Glitter

“Milwaukee.” A wave of wind hit our faces as we floated through a calm patch in the Colorado River. It was a warm wind, like the midwestern nights when you know a storm is coming. Milwaukee. That's where Papa and my grandma (Nana) honeymooned after their wedding 61 years ago. I was a little bit surprised. I was expecting to hear the Caribbean, Florida, Mexico, or somewhere else warm that many couples would go on honeymoon in December. But Papa and Nana went to Milwaukee for their honeymoon. The reason: Papa was off to Germany to be in the military. They had to do something quick. I asked Papa where he honeymooned out of curiosity, but his response confirmed one of the greatest qualities that Papa ever had. He prioritized substance over glamour. Especially in today's world, with social media and loneliness on the rise, the only answer seems to be to flaunt, to show others all of the great things that are happening in your life, all of the things you have, all the money you have, all the friends you have. I know I often fall into that trap. But whenever I encounter another video, picture, story, or experience, whether it's something I'm hearing from someone else or experiencing myself, I hope to remember Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Prioritize substance over glamour.

If at First You Don’t Succeed…

“No, Tom. We may have blown our entire fraternity budget on that dinner, but it took another year for me actually to start dating her.” He was talking about Nana, of course. The story has long become iconic in our family: Nana and Papa, the leaders of our growing family, met at a college beer supper at the University of Wisconsin back in the '60s. Papa's fraternity went out on a limb and spent their entire social budget for the semester on one Sunday supper, during which they hosted the most popular sorority on campus. The one his future wife would be in. They met on the dance floor, funny enough. Papa, who was normally more reserved, had the courage to ask the fun, spunky girl on the dance floor (potentially after a couple of beverages) if she would be up for a dance. She said yes, and sparks immediately flew. The only problem was the girl was shipping off to Colorado for the summer, so she couldn’t start a relationship. That girl was Nana. But Papa knew that he couldn’t just give up because of the great girl he had just met. A summer passed, and the next fall, they started dating. I admire Papa because rejection often causes us to give up. Rejection causes us to close in. When things don’t go immediately to plan, we often make a complete 180. But not Papa. He was just patient. He persisted. For love. And 60-plus years later, he has four children, six grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren as a reward for it. He showed us that love requires persistence.

Love requires persistence.

For Generations and Generations

What do Mike Breen and an 85-year-old man have in common? They have an iconic catchphrase. Although Papa may never have made it to the announcing booth of an NBA Finals game (he was an engineer, don’t worry, he had no desire to announce games), he was known for a few phrases. Rather than the iconic "bang" from Mike Breen, Papa would exclaim, "Oh my goodness," whenever something shocking, surprising, exciting, or tragic happened. He became so synonymous with the catchphrase that occasionally, his grandkids would catch on and tease him a little bit. But he was smart enough to realize what we were doing, and he would let us play in the fun of it all.

Papa was known for an even more iconic phrase, the five P's: "Prior preparation prevents poor performance." Papa was always prepared. He always modeled preparedness. I feel extremely fortunate because I was able to spend a really deep and powerful weekend out in the Grand Canyon with Papa a few weeks before he died. It was a guy's trip to celebrate my brother and my graduation from college. And unlike a normal trip where we would throw things in bags a couple of hours before our flight, we certainly weren't with this one. Not only had Papa booked the trip years in advance, but since the turn of the new year, it seemed like he had his suitcase packed. Every week, he would ask us if we were packed up. He was prepared so he wouldn't perform poorly (vacation). That motto rings so true in preparing for trips, work, relationships, and life. Prior preparation is so essential. I'm confident that this phrase will live on for generations.

Prior preparation prevents poor performance.

Love you, Papa,

Tommy