The Duality of Leisure Guilt

Dear Younger Me,

There's something wrong in our world…

Shocker, I know.

It's true. We know it, others know it, our world knows it.

I want to focus on something specific.

A particular problem that plagues so many of us:

Guilt.

More specifically, I want to discuss a certain situation where guilt often surfaces:

Leisure.

Confused? Let me set the scenario, then see if you can relate (I bet you will).

Simply put, leisure is free time.

Expanding a bit, leisure is free time used for enjoyment or to engage in a particular activity.

We’ve all experienced leisure, some on grander scales than others.

Leisure can range from sitting on a beach in Cancun, sipping a coconut, to being snuggled up on the couch watching reality TV.

It can be as mindless as scrolling through social media or as focused as playing a game of chess.

It's whatever you choose to DO during FREE TIME.

This is where the problem arises:

Many, including yourself, experience guilt during leisure.

Why?

Because there's always something “better” that you should be doing.

Watching Sunday Night Football?

You should be planning your week instead.

Scrolling through TikTok?

You should be starting that business you've always wanted to start.

Sleeping in after a late night?

You should be getting up to work out.

See where I’m going?

In every leisure action, guilt follows with a notion of something “better” we should be doing instead.

It's one of the worst aspects of the human condition.

And no one ever acknowledges it.

So, younger me, understand that this is a real problem.

And you're not the only one dealing with it.

I’d argue that more of our world struggles with it than not.

The harsh truth is it will never go away.

That internal guilt to do something different from what you're currently doing.

It’s like you can never win…

But you can.

There is a way.

I want you to try this method out.

I call it “role defining.”

It's really simple.

Go grab a piece of paper and a pen (you can stop reading for 30 seconds to do this).

(I mean it).

(Go do it right now).

(If you’re in a meeting, or class, or on the toilet, I give you permission to use your electronic device).

I want you to write down 3-5 roles you play in your life.

No fewer.

No more.

I’ll give you my five as an example. I’ve never shared these with anyone else, so please keep them to yourself:

1. Faithful Christian

2. Man for Family and Friends

3. Gentle Lover

4. Athletic Competitor

5. Collaborative Business Owner

I exist for these five reasons. These are the roles I live by.

Why is defining these important?

On a macro level, it gives you a purpose, a “why” to live by.

But day-to-day, I’ve found that defining these roles has been the solution to the guilt experienced during leisure.

How?

It justifies the leisure in two different ways:

• It removes the barrier to entry for productive leisure.

• It walls off the unproductive leisure that shouldn’t be starting.

In both cases, it addresses the guilty voice in your head.

By defining your roles, you can justify the leisure activities you're engaged in.

If a friend wanted to go for a walk, I used to feel guilty because I had so much other “work” to do. I would either decline out of busyness or accept out of guilt.

But now, since one of my roles is being a Man for Friends, I happily accept such invitations without guilt because my role allows for that type of leisure to be easily justified.

Conversely, this approach can help eliminate the “leisure” activities that are merely time sucks.

Maybe it’s video games, playing chess, or scrolling through TikTok. These might be productive leisure activities if your defined role is a “social media influencer” or a “lover of board games.”

Individually, these may be guilt-inducing types of leisure, but if one of your roles is “community builder,” then using video games, chess, or TikTok to hang out with friends and be in a community can be a great form of leisure where guilt shouldn't exist.

It’s a fine line, I know, but do you see my point?

Guilt is a common part of leisure

But it does not have to be.

The solution is to define your roles.

Then use those roles as filters for your leisure.

You will be amazed at the growth (and lack of guilt) that follows.

Be good,

Older You